Friday, March 12, 2010

Isn't She Beautiful?

My lovely 10 year old, Isabella.

I spent the day with a dear friend. We talked about our children and our hope to see them grow to be "under the authority" of a Loving God and KNOW who they are in Christ. 

I got home and as my yummy, home cooked meal (not from a jar, mind you) was cooking in the oven, I went to my email and saw a new name on a friend's blog. 


I read her comment and realized that she was a TEEN! 

 I went to her blog.

Even though she is a freshman in HS, the Lord used her words to convict me that I had lost sight of ...


Yes...most of my Christian life I have been a woman who is Surrendered. 
All ABANDONED to my Lord Jesus. 

I remember being with my Mom one night, years ago, and crying that I "missed Him" and she was so worried about me thinking ..."The only way to get closer to Him was to die."

To was that my intimacy had wained. My sense of His enveloping presence wasn't there. I MISSED HIM.

The last few years, because of the burnout, the responses I have received from certain people, the the past I would have laid bare as a gutted fish remaining maluable in the hands of the Lord. But somehow I have calloused my heart. Only giving Him a little. Compromising. 

I have been afraid to surrender...I've been holding on, not really realizing that I've been holding on. I don't want to hold on to what I can see...I have lost my...

"Pray believing and it will be done for you..." 
" Nothing is impossible with God"
...following His voice even when it doesn't make sense. 
Has anyone ever heard of Rees Howells? Rees Howells Intercessor is one of the BEST books I have ever read. It has defined my heart for the greatness of God in my life....and I have abandoned that greatness. 

I look at this beautiful girl above, my Isabella. I look at Caela, her now 12 year old sister. I see two more young women coming up the pike (little Gracie and Liliana) and I want them to have that abandon and surrender to their Lord Jesus. 
How can I model the reality of God to my girls and my young Daniel if I AM NOT surrendered and giving ALL to him. 

Abandoning pride, fear, control, significance, etc. to RETURN to the throne and say, 
" are my all in all. I am nothing without you and I want all of YOU!" 
"To lose my life so that I can gain it!" - Jim Elliot. 

I want to thank the Lord for Olivia today! I want to thank the Lord for revealing His life to me through the heart of this young and passionate woman of God. 
I look forward to giving Him ALL that I am at this season of my life and living AGAIN in expectancy led by His Spirit ..."more than we can ever ask or imagine" as we give over our lives FULLY to Him! 


Olivia said...

Wow! This is so encouraging! I'm so glad that God could use me as an encouragement to you as well. God is once again been teaching me to surrender lately and of His call to be totally sold out for Him.

Back in December Abigail and I decided that we just both had too much in our lives currently to keep up with Imperishable Beauty, but I'm glad that people like yourself are still finding encouragement in our writings.

God bless you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you and AMEN. God has been deeply working on my heart. Showing me pride and a tongue that needs restrain. showing me the lack of respect I am showing for my husband- even as I think I am being a model wife. As my heart breaks I turn to God, I prayed. I too need surrender, abandon. I too knew it in the past! what am I modeling for my chidlren? Thanksfully God's compassions fail not, they are new every morning, great is HIS faithfulness!

Cheryl said...

Oh, Olivia! THANK YOU! When your schedule clears I hope you might be able to at least post something once a month maybe. Just updating us on what God's teaching you. Any advice for a mom who is seeking to raise her girls to have a heart like yours? I would LOVE to know!

Anonymous...THANK YOU for your sweet words! It's always encouraging to know that we are not alone on this journey of Motherhood. Great is His Faithfulness and we need to be praying for each other to see His kingdom come in each of us for our trees to produce RIPE Fruit!

Peace of the Lord, Ladies!