Saturday, May 2, 2009

For Everything There is a Season, and a Time for Every Matter Under Heaven...

It's 11:33 pm on a Saturday night. It's been a GOOD day.
All 5 of my little flowers are tucked away in their little beds and the sound of gentle piano music is making it's way from Bill's den to me, in my room, as I sit to share with those I love.

It's been 3 months since my last post. These months have been hard. Do you ever reach a point where you say..."Do I really hear from God?", "Why did He allow this to happen?" (fill in the blank), "What was He thinking?" ...and then you find yourself travelling farther and farther away from His presence. He never moves...we are the ones that float away. But Jesus is the God that goes after the 1 and leaves the 99. He is the one that "Never leaves us or forsakes us." He is the one that said, "The plans I have for you...for a future and a hope." How beautiful are the feet of Him...

This past few years have been very difficult. I have made decisions that I felt were the true leading of the Lord and found that they ended not bearing fruit or causing chaos for my family. I have spent much time grappling and seeking wisdom to understand, example...Mary Kay. I made a decision with Bill that this was it. That this was God's plan for me, at present. Then I ended it, confused. Having lost time and much frustration for many months. Now free of that decision and having stepped out of all commitments to focus on my family I ended up in a depression.

The depression deepened after weaning Liliana, cold turkey, in order to take heavy duty antibiotics to heal from my bout with pneumonia in February, that lasted 2 months. This was after Bill caught it and he ended up out of church for 5 weeks. With each child I have had increasingly difficult transitions from pregnancy and nursing to being free of maternal hormones. Over the last 20 years I have struggled with cycles of incredible energy and drive, to not even being able to get out of bed in the morning. I've spent several years trying to discern the problem, thinking I just had a really bad monthly "cycle".

This week I went to my doctor and talked...shared....desperate for something that would make me able to function fully as a wife and mom at this season of my life. He prescribed a medication that he said would be a tremendous help and that it would even shut down the massive cravings for CHÖCOLATE!

It's been 5 days since my appointment..."For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven...". I have discovered a NEW season.

I can get up in the morning...I can do the dishes without distraction...I have a desire to rest in the Lord and love my neighbors without being drained and withdrawn and overwhelmed...and avoiding Him... I don't WANT chocolate. = ) I am in a state of awe and gratefulness that I have not known in 20+ years and I want to shout it from the rooftops for all the world to hear!!!! = )

I am still discerning the clarity of my struggle, but I see that in His great and profound provision of the medical field I, a single pile of dust - His precious little lambie, can now see the HOPE of serving my husband and my children with consistancy, discipline, energy, and peace.

I cannot begin to thank all of you, dear friends and family, who have been praying so diligently for our family and for me, personally, in regards to my depression, chocolate addiction, provision for healing these last several months. The Lord is ALWAYS at work in our lives even when we feel we have moved to the far corners of the sea. life verse, it seems...."TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart..lean NOT to your OWN understanding; Acknowledge Him in ALL your ways, and He WILL make your paths straight."

Please read our current Prayer Corner. We are always in awe of God's kindness in the prayers of our loved ones on our behalf!

Lastly, rejoice with us! Caela got 2nd Place at the South Region Math Olympics at Roanoke Christian School on Friday in 5th Grade Math - Reasoning!!!! We are all so proud of her and have discovered another gifting of the Lord on her life!

Much Much love to all..."...with the sweetest affection." (1 Peter 1:22),
Bill, Cheryl, Caela, Isabella, Daniel, Gracie, and Liliana

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