Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Does Jesus Really Care?
Do you ever reach that point of no return when you
think Jesus has left you to fend for yourself?
That He has placed you in the ring with a Lion and left you to be pummeled
with no end in sight?
This past week I spiraled downward to ground zero, depression.
Each prayer seemed to just bring on more struggle and poking and pummeling
as we continue to walk out this journey to New Bern.
The last four days I ended up ill and so fatigued all I could do was
lay in bed or watch tv. Having the children and Bill do for me.
I saw no way out and I didn't care.
I felt like Isabella and Daniel as the Salem Fair as they huddled in one of the rides
as we waited out the storm. Fearful and paralyzed.
My house had gone to pot.
I had tried for a week to enter into prayer, but I was feeling myself
harden and could sense the frustration and thoughts of
"When will it end?!"
welling up inside.
Then today, my DEAR MOM took the kids for the second day and I had
What a GIFT I have in my Mom! What a solid, stable force in my life.
The Lord uses her in SO MANY DEEP ways in my life and the lives of our children!
As I continued to "Rest" I ended up pulling myself up in bed and FINALLY cried out to the Lord. I FINALLY was able to cry the tears I have not been able to cry.
I was able to share my anger and my frustration and my,
"WHY?!...What are You DOING?!"
Then as I reached that point of surrender and forgiveness, the Lord showed me Himself at Gethsemene. He showed me the point of no return for Him.
The place of ultimate sacrifice and surrender.
"If you can take this cup from Me?"
And he came to,
"Not My will, but Yours be done."
He pressed me into the vision ...to see the GREATER purpose!
To move beyond my griping and my complaining and my self pity
and see that He is HERE, He is MOVING and His plan and purposes are
I then said, "Jesus, please give me something from Your Word. Please let me open your Word and speak to me."
He led me to Isaiah 35.
"The desert and the parched land will be glad, the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom, it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy....Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear;
YOUR GOD WILL COME!...
And the highway will be there, it will be called the Way of Holiness...
Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away."
After I read this I was overcome at His kindness. The truth of His word...
"I cried out to the Lord and He heard me."
Then He gave me the sweetest gift.
The gift of face to face, flesh to flesh fellowship with a dear sister in the Lord.
She brought me a meal and lingered to visit awhile. He used her to speak Truth into my life and as she shared with me it was as if
He were sitting in her chair.
Tonight I gathered the children together
We shared and prayed and I shared what the Lord had done. I asked their forgiveness for my neglect and frustration the last several days. And as children teach us over and over...how quick they are to forgive and forget and shower us with their love!
So, tonight, as I wanted to share what the Lord had done...and the hunger to encourage and to inform I noticed the date.
September 1, 2010
A new month, a new day, a new dawn.
I feel like little Christian here, sitting in the light of the Savior...
at Peace, ready to continue to "Run the race to reach the prize.."
Fully trusting my Jesus that His ways are perfect and He knows the path...I am ready to keep my eyes ONLY on the "light in front of my feet."
Given a second wind.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, for meeting with me today.
Thank You for the ways You carve out and mold Your servants that they can be usable tools in Your hands.
Peace of the Lord be with you...always.